55+ Mitch Hedberg Quotes For Lovers Of Cynical Humor
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55+ Mitch Hedberg Quotes for Cynical Humor Lovers Enjoy the best of Mitch Hedberg's cynical humor with these 55+ quotes. From his unique take on life to his witty one-liners, these quotes will make you laugh out loud.Mitch Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian and actor who was known for his unique take on life and his witty one-liners. His comedy was often described as “absurdist” and “surreal”, and he was a master of delivering his jokes with deadpan delivery. His comedy was beloved by many, and his quotes are still quoted today. Here are 55+ of the best Mitch Hedberg quotes for lovers of cynical humor.
Quotes About Life
“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
“I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.”
“I like escalators, because an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.”
“I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”
Quotes About Love
“I love blackjack, but I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”
“I love my fed-ex guy 'cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it.”
“I love to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”
“I love to go to the park and watch the children run around because they don't know I'm using blanks.”
“I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around screaming and yelling, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.”
Quotes About Food
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend. 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home.”
“I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're wasting time.”
“I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”
“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
Quotes About Comedy
“I like a good cup of coffee, but that's as far as my addictions go. Well, I'm addicted to laughter. That's it.”
“I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.”
“I like escalators, because an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.”
“I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're wasting time.”
“I love blackjack, but I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”
Completion
Mitch Hedberg was a master of delivering his jokes with deadpan delivery and his quotes are still quoted today. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or just need a pick-me-up, these 55+ quotes from Mitch Hedberg are sure to make you smile. From his unique take on life to his witty one-liners, these quotes will make you laugh out loud.
For more information on Mitch Hedberg and his comedy, check out Biography.com, IMDb, and Mental Floss.
FAQ
- Q: Who was Mitch Hedberg?
A: Mitch Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian and actor who was known for his unique take on life and his witty one-liners. - Q: What type of comedy did Mitch Hedberg do?
A: Mitch Hedberg's comedy was often described as “absurdist” and “surreal”, and he was a master of delivering his jokes with deadpan delivery. - Q: Where can I find more information on Mitch Hedberg?
A: For more information on Mitch Hedberg and his comedy, check out Biography.com, IMDb, and Mental Floss.
Table
| Quote | Topic |
|---|---|
| “I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.” | Life |
| “I love blackjack, but I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.” | Love |
| “I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut.” | Food |
| “I like a good cup of coffee, but that's as far as my addictions go. Well, I'm addicted to laughter. That's it.” | Comedy |
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