Emotion Regulation of Others and Self

Bah Humbug!  Why can Christmas be so tiring?

Posted on Jan 12, 2011 by Karen Niven

Did you have a good Christmas?  Or are you one of the many who find yourselves wishing that Christmas was over sooner because it is so tiresome and tiring?  Bah Humbug!  But why is Christmas so tiring?  Perhaps the most obvious reasons are the late nights watching ‘must see’ films that you have seen before, the over indulgence in food and drink, the long drives to far flung corners of the country, getting up far too early on Christmas day because you forgot to turn the alarm off, and the marathon/wrestling match/weight-lifting competition that is called Christmas shopping. 

Christmas is also a time when we are forced through convention or family obligation to interact socially with those who we might not normally chose to, and in some cases with those who we might actively avoid, such as the work colleague who seemingly has no interests outside of work, the family relations who you only see once a year and have nothing in common with, Uncle Ted whose views would make a Daily Mail reader seem left-wing, or the sibling who you never got on with.  Conversations with such characters can evoke a wide range of emotions – boredom, anger, irritation, frustration, embarrassment.  Yet the social norms around such meetings mean that we cannot be seen to be expressing these negative emotions, especially in large social gatherings, and particularly not at Christmas!  Thus we put a lot of effort in to masking our true emotions, by pretending to be interested, be trying to be happy, by suppressing our anger and irritation, and trying hard not to explode with rage at Uncle Ted’s latest piece of bigotry.  We may even try to generate more positive views of the situation or person, by trying to convince ourselves that our sibling must just be trying to pull your leg and not irritate you.  Yet all of these strategies require effort, and at Christmas, the situations where we have to put effort into regulating our emotions and their expression are more frequent that at other times of year. 

So perhaps one of the main reasons why Christmas is so tiring is that we put so much effort into regulating our own emotions.  But Christmas also involves regulating the emotions of others.  We might need to pacify the child who doesn’t get the present they want, or we might even want to annoy the person you didn’t get us the present we asked for.  Again the strategies involved in doing this require effort, and the social situations in which we are required to regulate others may be more frequent at Christmas. 

So why is Christmas so tiring?  Well it might just be the long hours, the vast quantities of food, and the Christmas shopping.  But you shouldn’t discount the effects of regulating your own and others’ emotions. 

David Holman.

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